Things That Go Bump in the Night

There was a time when I loved to sleep. There is nothing better than crawling into a comfy bed at the end of a long day and drifting off into sweet slumber… that was until I discovered the things that go bump in the night…

My house is beautiful. It’s a tiny seaside shack, cosy but newly renovated. It is on the edge of a lush tropical jungle, which the locals call the magic forest. Lovely to look at, lovely to walk through, lovely to listen to the sounds of the insects at night… but full of gigantic, hairy, creepy spiders!!!! These are not just your normal household huntsman spiders… they are about the size of a dinner plate (no exaggeration), they are fast moving, and only seem to appear at night… and lately in my room.

On Friday night, I walked blissfully unaware into my room, ready for a good nights slumber, then horror of horrors, I saw it… a huge, black hairy beast on my wall. I ran out of the room screaming like only a big girl can and sent a visiting friend in with a can of Mortein. When she went in, she said ‘which spider… this one or that one?’ There were two of the hairy beasts! This sent us both into a screaming hysteria as we tried to douse them in bug spray… I ended up standing on the kitchen table crying like a big baby when the neighbours came over to check that there wasn’t a murder taking place. I think we must have woken the whole neighborhood.

When I thought the ordeal was over, I worked up enough courage to go back into my room, and there on the wall, was THE MOTHER OF ALL SPIDERS. Words cannot describe the horror I felt at that moment. Even my brave friend Kiri who had killed the last two freaked out at this one. The scene that followed as we attempted to kill this vile beast was like a scene out of the 1980’s horror film ‘Arachnophobia.’ Again, concerned (and somewhat amused) neighbours came running as I screamed words that I didn’t even think were in my vocabulary, with tears running down my cheeks… I must have looked a treat. I think the locals thought it was a very entertaining Friday night, because quite a crowd had gathered. The house was surrounded by big white grins glowing in the dark, eager to help the silly white girls. After the madness was over, I put the spare mattress up on the kitchen table, where I spent the night out of reach of any creepy eight legged creatures.

I spent the next day dousing every inch of my room in Mortein and blocking up every single crack with the duct tape mum insisted I take (mothers are always right!) I have now added a new bedtime routine that includes checking over every nook and cranny with a torch and can of Mortein… I don’t want to risk bumping into any more creatures in the night!